If Lovin’ Taylor Swift Is Wrong: I Can’t Even With Comey – Just EW

Comey always struck me as one of those weird sort of tweener people. Granted, he was hamstrung by his enormous height – he’s near Andre the Giant territory at 6’8″ tall. But I always got the vibe that he wanted to be a beatnik with a guitar, a bunch of stoner friends sitting in a circle around him, nodding sagely as he warbled deep lyrics and gave readings through clouds of hash smoke of his Kahlil Gibran knock-off poetry.

I just always felt that’s who he saw trapped in the suit, as he ruthlessly screwed people over, those big puppy dog eyes of his downcast as he sorrowfully recounted alleged transgressions as if they personally pained his tender inner being.

As if he couldn’t imagine any human being so perfidious.

A self-styled righteous crusader.

A really weird duck.

A duck who is getting weirder the more about what a scummy character James Comey truly was and is comes to light, and the less able he is to keep the tattered shreds of his carefully crafted Boy Scout image from blowing completely to the wind.

On his X profile, there nary a word about his time spent in law enforcement. He’s simply a guy who writes legal thrillers, and assures us he’s ‘taller and funnier in person.’

Oh, I’m sure.

He’s a laugh riot when he’s by himself, in person, as well as a thinker of deep, existential thoughts.

He’s someone who lectures those whom society wishes vanquished from the public sphere to ‘withdraw’ from public life. And he is sad when they ‘do the opposite.’

In June 2023, smug James Comey was sure that Trump was not going to win in 2024. pic.twitter.com/5djIBnJLuj

— The Researcher (@listen_2learn) July 26, 2025

The ex-FBI director is finding his own advice, now that he is no longer in Washington, difficult to swallow.

In long, solitary walks on the beach, the introspective Comey is finder of strange shell formations that mean something. But, as shells that spell are foreign to him, perhaps someone else can translate.

I still can’t believe that James Comey didn’t IMMEDIATELY go to Prison for this. pic.twitter.com/YK5eqz6Hrc

— Liz Churchill (@liz_churchill10) August 17, 2025

Then again, life in the public eye has always been like crack to James Comey. He professes a desire for simplicity and tranquility, but all the while is pursuing engagement and his name in lights.

“It all started when he became famous for trying to take down Martha Stewart, and he never stopped that appetite for publicity.”@JohnAshbrook and @MichaelDuncan talk about the latest Swiftie: James Comey. Watch the fellas cover this bizarre story with @DanaPerino &… pic.twitter.com/SVvPcmhCzW

— Ruthless Podcast (@RuthlessPodcast) August 18, 2025

But, in a twist, Comey and his meticulous image crafting could never have seen coming, his name is in lights for all the wrong reasons while his worst nightmare resides in the White House once again, despite all his traitorous best efforts.

JOHN SOLOMON: FBI docs reveal Comey’s hand-picked PR consultant (Daniel Richman), admitted serving as his media go-between during the Russia hoax era, possibly passing classified info.

He was hired with tax dollars to boost Comey’s image, not serve the American people. pic.twitter.com/UKQoDF2qfW

— BABA YAGA 🥃 (@imUrB00gieman) August 14, 2025

The American people are being informed of some new Comey and Co. offense against Donald Trump and/or his associates every single day, and the scale and utter depravity of the anti-Trump conspiracy is insane.

Seems clear in retrospect that Jim Comey’s pre-2016 reputation as a sober, upstanding lawman was entirely the product of the institutions around him & the respect they once had. Textbook case of crises revealing character.

— Dan McLaughlin (@baseballcrank) August 18, 2025

The pressure of watching, waiting, and the limited damage control Comey can exert without further jeopardizing his already precarious legal position is beginning to crack the Boy Scout’s stoic and sturdy exterior. 

It’s revealing what a truly repellent creature is behind that carefully constructed facade.

‘Don’t be a jerk‘ Comey urges in this latest, filmed in his bathroom-look video. ‘Do like I do, and embrace the Tao of Taylor.’

It’s good for Americans to see stuff like this as a reminder that the heads of powerful government agencies, including the FBI, are generally not impressive people at all, and in cases like Comey, are actually world class losers
pic.twitter.com/dudUOK1RsD

— Buck Sexton (@BuckSexton) August 18, 2025

It’s creepy as can be.

Worse, Comey quotes Swift lyrics and waxes poetic about attending her concerts, while helping family members do the same.

… “I went to my first concert of hers 15 years ago. I’ve been to a second, and I have helped financially support the attendance of a lot of family members and others.”

And those ‘jerks’ he refers to?

He means you as he does a skeevy lounge lizard half-whisper in the bathroom.

…Comey goes on to insult over half the citizens in the United States.

“I don’t want us to become like Trump and his followers,” Comey said. “There are far more decent, honest, kind people in America than there are mean jerks. And don’t get me wrong, we have our jerks — millions of them. You may have noticed in particular, there’s a stunning coarseness and ugliness in the Republican Party today. It’s upsetting, but it’s also a minority of America.”

And the guy with the reverse-raccoon circles around his eyes says Trump is orange and mean to Taylor, which makes him a jerkier jerkwad.

“… while our elderly, makeup covered president is posting about whether Taylor Swift is still hot and declaring that he can’t stand her, what is she doing? Living her best life, producing great music, and as she urged all of us to do during the podcast, not giving the jerks power over her mind.”

Comey wants you to shed all your jerk impulses like he and Taylor have done. He wants people to be polite, like he always is. Helpfully, he quotes some more life-altering Swift lyrics as a guide.

EW

So there’s two ways to look at this. Maybe Comey thinks he’s playing some sort of psychological warfare PR game. Perhaps he’s consciously trying to manipulate his image in the face of the revelations to retain that ‘above it all’ attitude he worked so hard to cultivate when he was ‘somebody’ and not the focus of an intense investigation with historic national implications. Maybe Comey thinks outreach to impressionable millennials and Gen Z types will earn him support in those quarters when the Trump administration has built a case and comes for him, as, God willing, they will.

Or, my personal favorite – Comey is a big, vicious creeper and always has been. 

Once the pressure gradient shifted from Comey doing the targeting to targeting Comey, it might well be that there was never enough intestinal fortitude to hold him together to begin with. Perhaps what we’re seeing is evidence of the slippage now.

EW

Someone needs to take his phone away.

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