Circle smirk: Late-night luminaries join forces, still can’t zing Trump

The walls are closing in!

Late-night hacks Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and Seth Meyers are doing what the legacy media couldn’t — stopping President Donald Trump dead in his tracks.

‘The Tonight Show’ was late-night TV’s gold standard, in terms of both quality and ratings, for decades. Now, it’s an also-ran.

Just kidding.

The ultra-competitive hosts are taking turns interviewing each other and making group appearances to smite Orange Man Bad. And, boy, are they cracking us up in the process. Consider this golden exchange.

“I mean, that son of a b***h, you know?” said Kimmel about Trump.

“Mister son of a b***h,” Colbert added.

“No, I never thought we would have a president like this, and I hope we don’t have another president like this again,” Kimmel said.

Mark Twain would have killed to pen comedy like that …

Sleazy rider

Who says they don’t make ’em like they used to?

The upcoming “Pillion” stars Alexander Skarsgård as a gay “dom” who gets into a relationship with a meek lover played by Harry Melling.

This British rom-com, based on Adam Mars-Jones’ 2020 book “Box Hill,” comes out (no pun intended) stateside in February. Variety describes the story as Skarsgård’s character taking his new lover on “as his submissive while introducing him to the community of kinky, queer bikers.”

It’s the “Sons of Anarchy” reimagining no one wanted …

Bad bet

The good times had to end, right?

This weekend, “Saturday Night Live” ends its annual hibernation with an all-new episode. The first host couldn’t be more perfect, and that’s hardly a compliment. It’s Bad Bunny, the anti-ICE warrior slated to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show early next year.

Gee, who knows what he’ll bring up during his monologue?

“SNL” once pushed the boundary on humor and good taste. Now, it’s a hard-left hack-a-thon with predictable gags and one-sided satire. If Kate McKinnon mourning Hillary Clinton’s 2016 electoral loss to Trump didn’t convince you the show had hit rock bottom, nothing will.

Here’s betting Jimmy Kimmel will make a cameo, and every notable Democrat in power will be either ignored or feted.

That’s not a Nostradamus-like prediction. It’s just a “recent past is prologue” reality. It’s a shame, too — since “South Park” went 100% anti-Trump and late-night TV abandoned humor for activism, it’s the perfect time for “SNL” to reclaim its bipartisan greatness.

The Vegas odds scream otherwise …

Not ‘Tonight’

Jimmy Fallon did the impossible.

He took over “The Tonight Show” from Jay Leno in 2014 and slowly drove the franchise into a ratings ditch.

Fallon’s “Tonight Show” consistently comes in third behind CBS’ “The Late Show” (which is reportedly losing the network $40 million a year) and ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” Fallon could be considered a fourth-place finisher if one includes Fox News’ “Gutfeld,” which airs 90 minutes earlier.

“The Tonight Show” was late-night TV’s gold standard, in terms of both quality and ratings, for decades. Now, it’s an also-ran. Why?

For starters, Fallon is a wishy-washy version of ColbertKimmelMeyersOliverStewart. His show is left-leaning, but in a less mean-spirited fashion. That helped drive away right-leaning viewers and alienated today’s far-left types who see late-night as group therapy.

The funny part? Fallon recently claimed his show “hits both sides equally.”

Yeah, remember all the gags about President Joe Biden’s dementia-like condition and Kamala “Word Salad” Harris?

We don’t either …

RELATED: Colbert gets canceled — by CBS, not conservatives

Photo by Scott Kowalchyk/CBS via Getty Images

Pistol Pete

The least shocking story of the week? Dude-bro podcaster Joe Rogan ate up Secretary of War Pete Hegseth’s military makeover.

This didn’t involve a TLC host or influencer hottie. Hegseth put his foot down on woke military nonsense, the kind that caught fire under the previous administration. Rogan cheered on the news.

“No more identity politics and bulls**t,” Rogan said. He was just warming up. “The most important thing is be ready. Be ready. Have the best, most capable military that’s humanly possible given the resources that we have today. This is what our goal is. This is what our job is,’ which makes sense.”

Rogan hasn’t seen eye to eye with President Trump on every issue so far, particularly ICE’s aggressive push to arrest illegal immigrants. The frenemies are back on the same side again

Bloody good

Sick of waiting for Quentin Tarantino’s next, and allegedly last, film? There’s an antidote for that.

The director’s dueling “Kill Bill” films from the early 2000s will be repackaged as one extended feature, hitting theaters Dec. 5. “Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair” will include a previously unseen animated sequence as part of the presentation.

Tarantino originally envisioned the films as a single movie, but the size of the project suggested that he release them as separate features. The only problem? Those gory fight scenes will still be as epic as the first time we saw them, but it could be an exhausting way to spend four-plus hours.

And we can only imagine what the accompanying popcorn bucket will look like!