Dear moms and dads, gentle parenting is not godly

Gentle parenting is a style of child-rearing that’s gained a huge following in the last decade. The practice emphasizes empathy, rejects traditional punishment, and puts the parent in the role of guide rather than authority.

Proponents of gentle parenting argue that it helps children develop empathy and emotional intelligence and strengthens the bond between parents and children.

While gentle parenting may sound nice in theory, it poses many theological issues. When you look closely at the pillars of the movement, it’s clear that the Bible stands in opposition to almost every principle.

To gain clarity on how Christians are to navigate this modern wave of gentle parenting, Allie Beth Stuckey invites homeschooling mom of 10 Abbie Halberstadt onto “Relatable” to discuss what it looks like to be “a godly yet gentle authority figure in your home.”

“Directness and firmness is not contrary to gentleness. Gentleness is not weakness; it’s not getting trod on. It is a willingness to temper strength with kindness,” says Halberstadt.

This, she says, is what it looks like to be gentle in the biblical sense.

Proponents of gentle parenting, however, argue that gentleness must acknowledge the “inner perfection of a child.” According to gentle parenting philosophy, children only act out due to adverse external circumstances and are therefore never directly at fault.

But the Bible is clear that there is no such thing as inner perfection and that we are all born into this world sinful and in need of a Savior.

“One of the things that gentle parenting robs parents and children of is the opportunity to seek their Savior, because if we truly believe that we’re dealing with a sinless being and that it’s only the circumstances or something beyond their control that’s going to force them into sinful behavior, then there’s really nothing to be saved from,” says Halberstadt.

One argument from Christians who prescribe gentle parenting is that telling children that they’re sinful and need a Savior invites shame into their hearts and paints a picture of an angry God.

To these individuals, Halberstadt says, teaching children that “we are all desperately in need of a Savior” but that “we can boldly approach the throne of grace because of the mercy of our Savior, who has already covered our sins with his blood” is not only the truth, it’s “good news.”

Not only does this communicate God’s kindness, love, and mercy, but the message itself is the antithesis of shame.

“To see children begin to grasp [the gospel message] and to see the joy spread across their face of like, ‘Jesus loves me this much!’ I would never want to rob a child of that,” she says. “It’s truly the best gift we can offer them.”

As for the gentle parenting claim that emotions — specifically how a child feels when something happens — are pre-eminent, Halberstadt reminds us that “the Bible focuses more on the truth of how we are to be regardless of what our emotions tell us.”

While emotions are “given to us rightly from God,” gentle parenting’s insistence on “[valorizing emotions] as being something that should then control our actions” and “control our motives” ultimately communicates that we “have a right to mistreat others.”

Where gentle parenting lauds “this bubble of autonomy, this bubble of how you feel in this exact moment, Philippians 2:4 says we’re to look not only to our own needs but to the needs of others and to consider others as more important than ourselves,” says Halberstadt.

“The gentle parenting secular philosophy flips that on its head.”

To hear more of the conversation, watch the episode above.

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