Down the tubes: Flailing Oscars leaving ABC, moving online

And now … your Oscars host … Mr. Beast!

The Academy Awards, facing diminished ratings and cultural clout, is moving to YouTube starting in 2029. Yes, ABC didn’t fight hard enough to keep the once-mighty telecast on its airwaves, paving the door for the Google giant to take over.

If Marvel really wants to bring back disenchanted fans, just say Brie Larson’s Captain Marvel got lost in a black hole and can’t make the sequel.

And as one internet wag cheekily put it, calls to “smash that ‘like’ button” may blend with the boilerplate political speeches sooner than later.

It’s a sign of the times, of course, on two fronts. YouTube is a major part of the digital landscape, and ABC understands the Oscars’ cache isn’t what it used to be.

The funniest part? A Variety scribe cheered the news, hoping for an even longer Oscars telecast.

“The Oscars on YouTube could bring an unlimited runtime, unfiltered hosts, and the show we’ve always wanted” reads the hysterical headline.

Imagine enduring a three-and-a-half-hour celebrity lovefest and thinking, “More, please!”

Boulevard of memes

Hollywood could really use some good news at this point. Enter a spanking new study that shares a surprising take on Gen Z. Turns out the youthful demographic’s movie theater attendance climbed by 25% over the past year.

Video game-inspired films like “Five Nights at Freddy’s 2” and “A Minecraft Movie” certainly helped, but the image of phone-obsessed teens eschewing theaters for their comfy couches may come with a caveat.

Speak to us directly, and we’ll line up to see what you have to offer. Imagine the lines around the block to see “6-7: The Movie” …

‘Peanuts’ allergy

Coming soon: a reimagined take on the Red Baron where he’s the hero and that dastardly Snoopy is the heel.

Sound crazy? Well we just saw a movie greenlit based on the villainous Gaston character from “Beauty and the Beast.”

“Wicked: For Good,” which makes the Wicked Witch of the West our unfairly maligned heroine, is crushing the box office.

And another reimagined classic spun from “Cinderella” will make those nasty stepsisters the heroes. It’s called “Steps.” Really.

So why wouldn’t Snoopy’s archnemesis ever get a cinematic closeup? It feels inevitable, especially after Sony purchased the rights to the “Peanuts” franchise for a cool $457 million.

Rats.

Who will stop team Sony from following this corrosive trend? And should it draw a crowd, expect more re-imaginings, like Brad Pitt playing a spiffed-up Pig Pen and Lucy joining the NFL …

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Fathom Entertainment

Avengers: Payday

The MCU is in full course-correction mode. But is it too late?

The mega franchise has stumbled in recent years following the two-part “Avengers” saga against Thanos. That coaxed Disney suits to call in reinforcements — AKA Robert Downey Jr.

But wait? The charismatic star’s alter ego, Iron Man, died in “Avengers: Endgame.” Disney craved his sweet, sweet name recognition so badly it brought him back for next year’s “Avengers: Doomsday.”

Except this time, he’ll play the villainous Victor von Doom.

If that decision didn’t reek of flop sweat, the latest MCU news sure does. Chris Evans, who memorably played Captain America in nine MCU films, was given a poetic send-off in “Endgame.” The actor hung up his shield, eager to tackle roles where he doesn’t squeeze into unforgiving leotards.

Except he didn’t really go away. He’s back, according to the just-released “Avengers: Doomsday” teaser trailer. (Imagine the zeroes on the paycheck written to Mr. Evans.)

If Marvel really wants to bring back disenchanted fans, just say Brie Larson’s Captain Marvel got lost in a black hole and can’t make the sequel …

Kamala klarity

Kamala Harris may have been the most qualified person ever to run for the White House. Just ask her.

Yet the former vice president is still struggling to answer softball questions. During the campaign, she famously bungled a layup from Sunny Hostin of “The View.”

“How will you be different than President Biden?” Swiiiiiing and a miss.

This week, far-left “comedian” Jimmy Kimmel teed up another question for the ex-veep to swat out of the studio. Why didn’t the Biden-Harris administration release the Epstein files?

“To give you an answer that will not satisfy your curiosity, I will tell you, we, perhaps to our damage, but we strongly and rightly believed that there should be an absolute separation between what we wanted as an administration and what the Department of Justice did. We absolutely adhered to that, and it was right to do that,” Harris told Kimmel.

“The Justice Department would make its decisions independent of any political or personal vendetta or concern that we may have, and that’s the way it worked.”

Harris is rested and ready for the 2028 presidential campaign, no doubt.