LED astray: Yes, those harsh lights are the spawn of Satan

If you are reading this, you should not be.

Because you are reading this on LED light. This is an abbreviation for Luciferian emission devices.

Knowing this, then … so what? Sew buttons on your underwear. This is what my mother would tell me. She is wonderful. Is your mother wonderful? Do you love her? Do you honor her?

Do you do her honor when you are on your iPhone? Or have you forsaken your mother in favor of an image of yourself curated by an algorithm?

This is why everyone who stays online for long enough goes insane, one way or another.

Surely, you know that this is being done to you every time you look at an LED device. But are you in control of your device? Or is your device in control of you? Either way — how would you know? You could know if you noticed. But noticing is hard. Have you, for example, ever noticed how hideous LED lights are? The harsh, bright white light. It is unnatural.

Here’s a trick question: When is the last time you did drugs? Here’s the trick: You are doing a drug right now.

A drug, according to one Joe Rogan podcast guest — or rather, a guest who was quoting a cynical but realistic professor of medicine — is a substance that when put into your body produces a measurable effect.

Light, then, is a drug.

Light comes not only into your eyes, but also bathes your skin. Sunbathing is fun. Have you ever bathed naked in a white room of LED light? It would be less fun and is not recommended. And yet, as doctors know, tanning salons can be healthy. It is all a question of Vitamin D. This is a hormone, actually, produced mostly endogenously — although it can be taken orally.

If you watch a sunset on a beach, you will sleep well that night. This is science. And you believe in science, do you not — anon?

If you believe in science, you should know that being in an LED-lit room and then just turning off the light, bathing your face in an LED-lit machine glow, reading articles, and looking at images will not help you sleep.

And if you believe in science, you should know that sleeping well is good, actually. So then why — pray tell — were incandescent lights banned by Obama? For the environment? Did anyone actually believe that?

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Photo by Luke Hales / Contributor via Getty Images

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he wasn’t there — it has been said.

Obama was the first president to tweet. His reign lasted eight years. Then the world caught on fire. The fire was orange. Everyone got deranged. Well, not everyone. But everyone who hated the color orange so much that their entire lives became consumed by a pathetic fiery pathos, summarized in three words: Orange Man Bad.

But Heraclitus said that the world is fire. And only fire.

Earth? Wind? Water? You do not feel these elements when you are inside, bathed in LED light. You do not feel these elements when you are outside, staring at your iPhone. Or Samsung. What are you, an Android? If so, do you even dream of electric sheep?

Every time you submit to the LED-lit algorithm, you trigger yourself. This is true. Because the algorithm is designed to trigger you. This is how the “apps” make money off of you. This is why everyone who stays online for long enough goes insane, one way or another. And usually in a bad way if they don’t log off and love someone or something real.

What does Hillary Clinton really love? Her adulterous husband? Her email server? The United States of America? At this point, what difference would it make?

She wrote her college thesis on a man who wrote a book that started with an epigraph honoring Lucifer in his own words. That man’s name was Saul Alinsky. She deeply disappointed him. He was right. She proved him right by being the biggest loser in American politics of the past half-century.

But her emails! Her emails were not good for her. She would have been better off if she stuck with incandescent light bulbs. But the world did not stay that way. She was defeated by a half-black man, who was cooler than she was because he mastered the LED light show. And then she was defeated by an Orange Man, so that you could log off and go outside and enjoy being in America once again.

Throw away your LED lights. Buy incandescent. It is more like fire and less Satanic.