Man Arrested in Washington State Attempting Dumbest Illegal Gun Sale

Even though I know better, there’s a part of me that still pictures illegal weapons sales as something out of Lord of War with Nicholas Cage. A smart guy in a suit, running a professional business that just happens to trade in illicit arms, selling to very dangerous but well-financed groups, it’s kind of hard for my brain not to go there.

But as I said, I actually know better. Most illicit gun sales are some schmuck selling a gun to some other schmuck in a parking lot or after having the buyer come to their home.

What’s funny, though, is just how stupid some of these schmucks can be, like this moron in Washington.

The Cowlitz County Sheriff’s Office says a man faces charges after trying to sell an illegal gun on Facebook Marketplace.

Detectives say that on Tuesday, they were tipped off about an unusual offer on Facebook Marketplace: a man was trying to trade a fully automatic submachine gun, a suppressor, and a motorcycle for an ATV.

Deputies say he admitted the gun was illegal in Washington but told the seller, “Just don’t say anything.”

The suspect is a 40-year-old man named Jacob Shawn Dixon, a convicted felon who had prior weapons charges and was booked on still more, as well as driving on a suspended license.

It’s almost like criminals just don’t care about the law, even having a license before getting behind the wheel. Weird, ain’t it?

Now, will Dixon be convicted? I have no idea. This is a very short news story, and there’s just not a lot of information. However, right now, I’m leaning toward him not actually standing trial, even if the cops did everything perfectly and he actually committed the crime.

Why?

Because trying to sell an illegal submachine gun and a suppressor, to say nothing about the motorcycle, via Facebook Marketplace–especially when you consider he wanted to “trade” all of that for an ATF–to some dude you’ve never met is a clear sign that you’re probably too mentally disabled to stand trial.

Seriously, anyone this stupid shouldn’t be allowed out in public without an adult caretaker and a helmet so he doesn’t hurt himself.

Honestly, he’s an adult who should probably be transported around in public in a stroller.

This is weapons-grade stupid.

Anyway, assuming that everything happened as described in this, he’s likely going to go to prison for a long time. I don’t trust inherently that he did what he’s accused of, but it seems fairly likely he did.

Not that it should be a crime, though, necessarily. Just having guns shouldn’t make anyone a convicted felon, so unless he was violent or something, that conviction shouldn’t have happened, and trading a submachine gun and a suppressor for something else shouldn’t be illegal either.

Trading a submachine gun, a suppressor, and a motorcycle for an ATV should probably be grounds for a mental health evaluation, though, because that seems like an awful lot for an ATV unless it comes able to perform sexual acts upon the driver’s person.

Still, being stupid shouldn’t be illegal, either. If it were, AOC and Jasmine Crockett would be locked up right now.

In fact, this guy sounds like he’d fit right in with those two mental giants.