My new friend Michelle recently told me she had an abortion when she was younger and lived with deep sorrow and regret. She cried out to the Lord for healing and forgiveness for her regretful decision, then promised the Lord that she would never have another abortion again.
Years later, she remarried and found herself once again pregnant, but this time at age 40. Her husband was livid. He wanted nothing to do with his child — so much so that he tried bribing Michelle with a vacation to Hawaii if she aborted their baby. She couldn’t do it because she had vowed to God she would never again abort her child.
So what did she do?
Though her husband was enraged, Michelle ended up doing one of the bravest things any woman could do: She gave her precious daughter up for adoption.
The story was a real tear-jerker when she told it to me in its entirety. I felt righteously angry at her husband, who claimed he was too old to have a child, begging her to abort their little girl. I can’t fathom any dad desiring to abort his child, no matter the circumstance. But that’s probably because the men in my life love children and welcome them with open arms. My dad fathered nine of us and worked hard to provide for all our needs. My husband is the best dad to our kid. And my father-in-law is the world’s best grandfather to our toddler. These are real men, not boys.
But what about the men who plead with the mothers to have their babies? They rarely get a mention. Many of these men live with silent sorrow, told they have no voice in this debate and that their opinion doesn’t matter.
Slogans like ‘no uterus, no opinion’ have been shoved down men’s throats so successfully that men have been bullied into silence and shoved into a corner.
We know post-abortive women are more susceptible to struggle with substance abuse, depression, and even suicide. But what about the men?
In an article titled, “‘The Hollow Men’: Male Grief & Trauma Following Abortion,” Dr. Vincent Rue found in a preliminary study that four in 10 men experience chronic post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms, which occurred roughly 15 years after their partners had an abortion.
“Other disconcerting findings included: 88% feeling grief and sadness, 82% guilt, 77% anger, 64% anxiety, 68% isolation, 31% helplessness, 40% sexual problems,” Dr. Rue said.
Of course, these factors included whether or not these men desired the child, but it shows how sobering the aftermath of abortion is for men — a problem that is largely ignored.
Earlier this month, 10 states voted on one of the most controversial issues of our day: abortion. Three states — including my home state of South Dakota — said no to abortion, while seven unfortunately did not. Collectively, initial reports show that roughly $234 million was spent on the abortion fight in this recent election cycle.
Feminists and pro-abortionists alike continue to stamp abortion as a women’s rights issue, justifying it by touting, “My body, my choice,” “Restore women’s reproductive rights,” and “No uterus, no opinion.”
But this messaging leaves out a crucial part of the conversation: Fathers.
Widely used slogans like “no uterus, no opinion” have been shoved down men’s throats so successfully that men have been bullied into silence and shoved into a corner. The abortion lobby continuously tells men there’s no room for them to fight in the arena. It takes two to tango and make a baby, so why have fathers been largely cut out of the equation?
As in the example of my friend Michelle, there are varying kinds of fathers. There are the good ones and the lousy ones. There are the dads who don’t want their babies and pressure the mothers into abortion; there are the dads who will never know they fathered a child; and there are the fathers who plead with the mother to keep the baby, but she aborts their child anyway.
Not having a supportive partner to help raise a child leads many women through Planned Parenthood’s doors.
The sexual revolution in the 1960s and the 1970s birthed the idea that abortion would be “safe, legal, and rare.” But instead, abortion became common, easily accessible, and the biggest form of birth control. Men and women were then “liberated” to have sex whenever, wherever, and with whomever after Roe v. Wade became the status quo in 1973. Pregnant? No problem.
There are various reasons women get an abortion, but given the loose reporting requirements, we have to rely heavily on studies and surveys. Medical News Today examined a five-year survey asking women why they sought an abortion. Approximately 40% of them said the reason was financial, while 36% said it was timing and 31% said it was based on their partner situation. In another study, Care Net found nearly four in 10 (38%) women indicated the father of the baby was the most influential factor on whether or not they would seek an abortion.
Another study found that nearly 74% of women who have had an abortion felt some kind of pressure to get one, as in Michelle’s case.
Abortion decisions primarily boil down to the father and whether or not he’ll support the mother and his child financially, emotionally, and physically (even if he never marries her). It doesn’t help that the majority of women (85.5%) who get abortions are unmarried, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Not having a supportive partner to help raise a child leads many women through Planned Parenthood’s doors.
An ally in the pro-life movement told me recently that after visiting hundreds of pregnancy help centers across the country, he found the number-one reason women sought an abortion was because of the father’s lack of support and involvement. They didn’t want to face motherhood alone. As a mother, I can empathize with them. Raising a child is no walk in the park. It’s hard work, and having a husband by your side makes all the difference. It never justifies taking a life, but I can understand how a mother would be worried and scared.
Out of the over 63 million babies aborted since Roe v. Wade, imagine how many women would have chosen life if the father had stepped up and taken responsibility for his child.
It’s cowardly, unmanly, and selfish to abandon the mother of your baby as well as your own flesh and blood at the altar of sexual and childless “freedom.” Boys don’t take responsibility for their actions, but real men do.
Sexual “freedom” has been more costly to men, women, and, ultimately, children than our culture admits.
Read the full article here