Would it kill us to dress up for funerals?

People don’t wear nice clothes to funerals anymore. Some still do, I’m sure, but many don’t. I haven’t been to a funeral in quite some time — thank God — but I’ve heard enough, and seen enough driving past graveyards, to know something is off in 2026.

You see it outside funeral homes and churches, near the hearse, gathered around an open grave: untucked shirts, jeans, sweatshirts, tennis shoes. People dressed for a quiet night on Netflix, not a solemn goodbye.

Can we really take death seriously if we won’t even take the clothing for a funeral seriously?

Dying custom

Why is it important to wear something nice to a funeral?

At first, the question feels almost offensive — or at least it does to me. My instinct is to snap, “Because it is.” You’re probably the same. Most of us never thought about it. The most obvious social norms rarely come with explanations. They’re absorbed, not argued for — like gravity or the sunrise.

Of course you dress up for a funeral.

But somewhere along the way, that assumption slipped. Now it has to be explained why a tie and leather shoes matter when you go to bury the dead.

When you attend a funeral, you are “paying your respects.” But is there much respect in showing up in jeans and sneakers? No. Some clothes are more formal than others, and some signal more respect than others. Not all clothes are equal. That’s simply how it is. Showing up to a funeral in a hoodie isn’t neutral — it’s a failure to honor the moment.

More than that, it’s a kind of disrespect. It doesn’t take much to put together a decent outfit. It isn’t unreasonable to ask someone to put their best foot forward for a single day. It doesn’t even have to be expensive. If you’re broke — and I’ve been — there’s always Goodwill. Twenty bucks gets you a shirt, pants, even shoes.

Last holdout

Dressing poorly for a funeral is a choice. It used to be a rare one. Now it’s common.

And it isn’t happening in isolation. It’s the endpoint of a broader culture that prizes informality and unconcern.

That culture starts small: not doing more than you have to, not dressing properly unless required, valuing comfort above all else. Casual Friday becomes casual every day. Soon enough, no one dresses up anywhere. And eventually, even the last holdouts — weddings and funerals — give way. For funerals, that day may already be here.

I don’t mean to sound overly gloomy, but there is something especially sad about this particular form of decline. Dressing down means one thing at the grocery store or the DMV. It means something else entirely when we are burying the dead.

It’s connected, I think, to the fact that we still bother with funerals at all — that religious traditions have long-prescribed rituals for burial and mourning. Those rituals reflect a belief that death matters, that it should be marked with care and seriousness.

Can we really take death seriously if we won’t even take the clothing for a funeral seriously?

Maybe not.

RELATED: Back to Black: We need a return to mourning etiquette

Wisconsin Historical Society/Getty Images

Dust to denial

There’s a more sobering truth beneath all this: Funerals themselves are becoming less common. More people are skipping them entirely — opting for cremation, informal memorials, or nothing at all. Sometimes it’s just an obituary. Sometimes not even that. I’ve seen it.

Some say it’s about cost — that funerals are too expensive. I’m not convinced. When people care about something, they find a way. If they cared about funerals, they would have them. If they cared about dressing properly, they would do that too.

The harder truth is that many simply don’t care.

The culture of informality and unconcern seems harmless at first — just more casual manners and a little less effort before leaving the house. But it doesn’t stay contained.

It spreads. It draws more of our lives into its orbit, and eventually there are no suits at the funerals, and then finally, no funerals at all.