And Now a Short Message From the Progressive ‘Theater of the Absurd’

This was some sincere, abject progressive silliness, Oregon-style.

It’s summer, right? And as much as I despise it, I realize there are people who actually look forward to the heat and the sun’s baking rays. Perhaps even a cooling day in or on the water, be it catching rays on a salty oceanfront beach or butt planted firmly in the comforting squeeze of an innertube for bobbing around a pool or floating down a lazy river with friends.

Actually, all those options are big deals here in our neck of the woods, lucky us. We have the best beaches in the world, and the nice thing about our river or creek floats is that most of them are spring-fed. That means they are way too cold for alligators to enjoy the toes you for sure have hanging over the rubber of the tube, or the butt hanging down through the center.

Up north, where lakes and such things abound, boating and lakefront living are equally treasured, and so are the memories made with family and friends every summer.

The business of buying such floaty instruments of pleasure has not gone unnoticed by states that have a pecuniary interest in maximizing every revenue opportunity. Every state has boat registration regulations, and they’re all different. You’ll see just how different they are, even neighboring states, if you watch one of the shows that highlight wildlife officers in, say, Texas or New Hampshire, as they go about enforcing their state laws on visitor interlopers.

Normally, if the scofflaw is polite, they’ll explain politely ‘You can’t do that here in [insert state]. We require…’ and tell you the certain age for a license or boat license or registration for any particular infraction. They’re fun viewing and a lot of it is common sense. The first rule being ‘check the regs for where you’re going.’

This is a long way of saying I would have gotten a ticket next year in Oregon, were I to go up and float down a lazy river.

First, I did not know that currently, anything that floats on Oregon’s rivers, streams, and lakes must be registered with one of the state’s boating permits if it measures over ten feet in length. Even a blow-up kayak.

Oregon uses what they call the ‘traditional’ definition of a boat.

…from the traditional definition of a boat — which under Oregon law is “all watercraft used or capable of being used as a means of transportation on the water.”

How about them apples?

You learn something every day.

Next year, though, the permitting rules change. There’s no length requirement – now everybody gets to buy a permit unless you’re under 14-years-old.

New fees are downstream for paddlers, floaters and others hitting Oregon’s rivers, streams and lakes.

Currently, waterway access permits are required for boats 10 feet or longer.

Starting next year, the law will expand to include watercraft less than 10 feet long, meaning kayakers, rafters, and stand-up paddleboarders will also need to buy a permit.

The state should be cleaning up the waterways to near spotlessness with what the fees will be making them, no?

…A 7-day permit costs between $5 and $6 an annual permit is $17 to $20, and a bi-annual permit, up to $35.

These people will nickel, dime, and thirty-five-dollar you to death.

Which was part of the grumbling when word of the rules change and fee increases first broke.

But what really got people fired up, even in the notoriously no-price-too-high-for-virtue-signaling Northwest was one of the items that now, according to the Oregon State Marine Board (which oversees such things), qualified for paying the fees:

Two inner tubes tied together = boat = buy a permit

$120 fine if you didn’t have one. For *checks notes* two inner tubes with a rope strung between.

I’m serious as a heart attack.

Oregon residents are interviewed over Democrats new law to make them pay a permit for using “inflatable kayaks, stand up paddle boards and even two inner tubes tied together”

It’s so crazy the government literally wants to be paid every time you want to float in a river

They… pic.twitter.com/1zGDIdsI4j

— Wall Street Apes (@WallStreetApes) July 20, 2025

…It’s so crazy the government literally wants to be paid every time you want to float in a river

They say it’s crazy to have to pay a permit fee that cost as much as their inflatable, “If somebody’s got to pay even a $5 fee to take their $5 inflatable onto the water, I worry that that might limit access a little bit. And the price of those permits are creeping up by $3.”

“If they violate the registration laws, $120 fine. A small fee increase with some significant implications for water lovers across Oregon.”

And ‘heart attack’ is promptly what Oregon floaters had when they heard.

So Oregon has become the state of the absurd. You will need a permit to float a kayak, or even two inner tubes tied together😂😂😂.
They can’t wait to get your guns or pool noodles. You will have no fun. Suffer slaves.

— Bombs Away (@braedalibby) July 13, 2025

The derision matter pegged as the howls of outrage raised the roof of the State Marine Board and every elected official.

In addition, they are requiring a permit for anything floating on public water…a kayak, a paddleboard, even two inner tubes tied together. Sounds outrageous for use of PUBLIC waterways. 💦
Oregon Government is like a toxic relationship where they isolate Oregonians from the… pic.twitter.com/gf2ldECIzC

— FairlyBiased (@PrattNewma48705) July 22, 2025

It seems, due to public pressure, there’s been a slight adjustment to the regulations.

Ixnay on the twofertuber-ay.

And please stop yelling at us…

Officials reverse course on inner tubes rule for new Oregon boating fee law

Oregon boating officials reversed course and clarified that people floating in two inner tubes tied together won’t need a Waterway Access Permit after all.

…The Oregon State Marine Board said earlier this month the permit requirement would apply to every type of boat — including kayaks, canoes, stand-up paddleboards and, technically, two inner tubes tied together. Those who didn’t comply could eventually face a fine.

The state agency clarified on July 15 that tubes would not actually require the permit.

…In a follow-up email, the Statesman Journal asked OSMB spokeswoman Ashley Massey to clarify if the permit requirement applied to two inner tubes tied together.

“Technically, yes,” Massey wrote. “The definition of a boat has not changed. Any multi-air chamber device is considered a boat.”

…On July 15, the Marine Board issued a clarification saying: “The interpretation for enforcement purposes for safety equipment and waterway access permit requirements does not include single inner tubes or single inner tubes tied together.”

When asked what changed, OSMB said it “had to do with how the law was applied.”

Oh. A change in how the ‘law’ was applied. Very nice.

Chickens.

You see, in weaselly bureaucrateze, it all depended on what the meaning of ‘means’ was. 

Until all hell broke loose on their heads.

…”The interpretation of ‘means of transportation’ has been applied to two inner tubes tied together historically in areas of high float traffic,” Paulsen said. “Two inner tubes tied together reasonably serves the purpose of transporting people, however this interpretation has been solely utilized to advocate for life jacket carriage and mandatory wear requirements.”

Paulsen said the two inner tubes tied together interpretation in the context of Waterway Access Permit was unintentional.

And now everything’s all better ’til the next time.

I’m expanding on Oregon’s Waterway Access Permit to require it for floaties as well as kayaks, canoes and inner tubes.

One permit for each floatie. pic.twitter.com/SB2c66SwKq

— Not Tina Kotex (@NotTinaKotex) July 15, 2025

Don’t even think they’re not coming for them…

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