Infowars’ Fate Sealed by The Onion and Sandy Hook Families [WATCH]

In a bizarre turn of events, satirical news outlet The Onion claimed ownership of Alex Jones’ infamous Infowars platform at a bankruptcy auction.

Backed by families of Sandy Hook victims owed over $1 billion from Jones’ defamation cases, this acquisition has brought new, unexpected management to a media outlet known for its outlandish conspiracy theories, as reported by The Associated Press.

Robbie Parker, whose young daughter Emilie was tragically killed in the 2012 Sandy Hook shooting, expressed satisfaction at the development. “The dissolution of Alex Jones’ assets and the death of Infowars is the justice we have long awaited and fought for,” he stated through his legal representatives.

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With The Onion now at the helm, they’ve gained control over Infowars’ website, social media channels, Austin studio, and content archives, although the sale price has not been disclosed.

Stepping in as the new face behind Infowars is The Onion’s fictional conglomerate, Global Tetrahedron LLC. Bryce P. Tetraeder, the mock CEO, commented on the acquisition:

“Today we welcome a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands…our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets…Much like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.”

Tetraeder didn’t mince words in satirizing the long history of Infowars’ controversial influence, remarking that “with its shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks,” Infowars has managed to maintain a unique appeal, “simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state.”

Tetraeder explained that while Infowars’ vitamin and supplement lines would be suspended immediately, there are larger plans underway. In a mockingly “philanthropic” twist, excess funds from the acquisition will support business school scholarships for future “cult leaders,” “charity” election donations to struggling dictators, and a program that matches orphans with factory jobs at no cost to employers.

Jones, ever defiant, posted a video on X (formerly Twitter) confirming the sale and vowing legal challenges. “Last broadcast now live from Infowars studios. They are in the building. Are ordering shutdown without court approval,” Jones said, visibly distressed as he streamed from his desk.

NOW – Alex Jones announces that The Onion, a satirical news site, has purchased Infowars at auction.pic.twitter.com/8Novd3ajLQ

— Disclose.tv (@disclosetv) November 14, 2024

For years, Jones vowed that if his platform was taken over, he’d move to new studios and continue his broadcasts. Now, only time will tell how this acquisition unfolds for him and his loyal followers.

Meanwhile, The Onion announced Everytown for Gun Safety as the “exclusive launch advertiser” for Infowars under its new ownership. Everytown sees the platform as an opportunity to promote real solutions to America’s gun violence issues and support bipartisan, safety-driven initiatives.

With Infowars under fresh and ironic management, this new era for Jones’ former empire signals an unusual twist in the world of modern media and satire.