‘Old Magoo’: Elections Over, German Government Launches Nat’l Snitch Line

Excuse me – I should change that in the interest of being precise. Thanks to my naturally cynical nature regarding authoritarian European governments marching towards outright fascism, I only interpret it to be a ‘snitch’ line.

The Stas…there I go again. Dammit – it’s early.

The democratically elected German government is, in fact, launching a two-pronged effort – either online or by phone – to afford their citizens avenues for ‘advice’ on how to deal with conspiracy freaks. Those in their personal lives or even ones of accidental acquaintance who speak such strange and terrifying sentiments not approved by polite society that a good German might be…alarmed by the utterances. Or upsetting emails.

And not know where to turn for advice on how to respond, if they even should.

SNITCH – Today the German ministry of the interior has launched the official “snitch on your family and friends” hotline… so you can report those who don’t think like you … As an EXTREMIST!

“…it is family members, friends, or teachers who first notice when conspiracy theories… pic.twitter.com/wAOWxqGPD0

— Bernie (@Artemisfornow) February 27, 2025

 ‘Never fear, Damen und Herren,’ say your benevolent overlords at the Bundesministerium des Innern und für Heimat, in the most soothing and comforting tones imaginable. ‘You can tell us everything.’

“Advice Compass on Conspiracy Thinking” launches

WE’RE LISTENING

…The nationwide contact point “Advice Compass Conspiracy Thinking” is launching today. It is open to all those affected and those seeking advice. The advice center is part of a project jointly funded and commissioned by the Federal Ministry for Family Affairs, Senior Citizens, Women and Youth (BMFSFJ) and the Federal Ministry of the Interior and Home Affairs (BMI), which has been running since March 2024 as part of the federal program “Live Democracy!” The project is carried out by the Violence Prevention Network, the Amadeu Antonio Foundation and modus – Center for Applied Deradicalization Research. 

Federal Minister of the Interior Nancy Faeser: “Conspiracy theories are accompanied by lies and disinformation. They are spread deliberately to divide our society and destroy trust in independent science, free media or democratic institutions. Conspiracy theories can lead to extremist ideologies and drive perpetrators to commit crimes and acts of violence. Anti-Semitic conspiracy theories are spread particularly often.

Usually, people in the immediate environment, such as family, friends or school, are the first to notice when conspiracy theories are spread. An open dialogue on equal terms often seems impossible because the other person is not open to arguments. The establishment of the nationwide advice center is therefore an important building block in the holistic fight against extremism and disinformation.”

Lies, distortion, the Science™, the Jews! (Nice touch that for sucking people in)

We, the monsters of the ministry, know you hear this from family, friends, or at school.

It must upset you to be surrounded by people ‘not open to arguments.’ This fight is ‘holistic,’ and you must be a building block ‘against the extremists.’ The German government is here to help you become that block, but we need YOUR help first.

Wir verstehen uns, ja? [We understand each other, right?]

…Federal Minister for Family Affairs Lisa Paus: “Conspiracy theories are not only poison for our democracy, they also place an enormous burden on families, friends and colleagues of conspiracy believers. With the new nationwide referral advice service, we are offering an easily accessible contact point for anyone looking for support for the first time. Anyone seeking advice will receive initial orientation and help to find suitable advice services nearby. After a confidential initial consultation, the person will be referred to a specialised agency if necessary. In this way, we provide very concrete support to those affected and their environment, while at the same time strengthening prevention in order to protect our society from the growing dangers of conspiracy thinking.”

So give us a jingle, yo.

…Conspiracy narratives characterize many extremist movements and can lead to dangerous radicalization and violence. But they can also give rise to and consolidate anti-democratic attitudes beyond extremist structures and networks.

The aim of the “Advice Compass on Conspiracy Thinking” project is therefore to provide the most tailored help and advice possible for those seeking advice, those affected and their environment. The advice center is now available online and by phone . The first appointment is for anonymous initial advice and assessment of individual needs. If the initial consultation reveals a longer-term need for advice, the subsequent advice process is passed on to a local advice center. The collaboration with local advice centers is constantly being expanded. The advice is of course confidential.

Of COURSE, it’s ‘confidential.’ No one will ever know it was your call for ‘advice’ that had your grandfather or the neighbor hauled off in the middle of the night.

Or that bus driver who rants at the radio during your morning commute – the one you just couldn’t stand one second longer.

Thanks you, Bundesministerium!

Dial 1-800-TAK-HEEM and sleep soundly once again.

Calling it an advice line is pretty slick. 

Anyone older than thirty has a vague feeling they’ve seen this movie before, though. Maybe even in the original Hun – maybe it was playing at an art theater or something?

Or maybe even in Germany itself, not so long ago. I seem to recollect it was called the Ministry for State Security (MfS) in that version. 

Stasi, for short.

Kind of snappy, no?

…The MfS developed one the most pervasive surveillance apparatuses in human history. In 1981, Erich Mielke, the head of the Stasi from 1957 to 1989, stated:

In its constant effort to clarify “who is who” the MfS—with its chekist forces, means and methods—has to identify people’s true political attitudes, their ways of thinking and behaving . . . to clarify means . . . providing an answer to who is an enemy; who is taking on a hostile and negative attitude; who is under the influence of hostile, negative and other forces and may become an enemy; who may succumb to enemy influences and allow himself to be exploited by the enemy; who has adopted a wavering position; and who can the party and the state depend on and be reliably supported by.

Many DDR citizens collaborated actively with the MfS. In 1989, near the end of the communist regime, the Stasi employed about ninety-one thousand people, or one out of every 180 residents. After 1968, the MfS relied heavily on unofficial collaborators, whose role was to report every major and minor sign of resentment and resistance against the SED. Unofficial collaborators were recruited after being carefully surveilled by the MfS to ensure total loyalty to the regime. They were well trained and used fake identification to infiltrate workplaces and neighborhoods. Among the 180,000 unofficial collaborators employed by the MfS in 1989, four thousand sneaked into opposition groups to spread false rumors and generate chaos. The case of Wolfgang Schnur is emblematic of the reach of the Stasi, as he was one of the most prominent lawyers who represented political dissidents. As an unofficial collaborator, however, he often exploited his position to betray his clients.

…Information about SED enemies could be used by the Stasi for psychological warfare. MfS undercover agents often spread false and misleading rumors among opposition groups to tear people apart, destroy trust, and instill fear. Targets of secret police surveillance experienced inexplicable setbacks both in their personal lives and in their careers. Compromising information was also used to blackmail individuals and to force them to collaborate with the secret police, even though the MfS preferred to employ agents who were fully convinced of the righteousness of their work.

Sound familiar, yes?

Oh, but this is just ‘advice,’ they’ll say. Conspiracy freaks who won’t come around to your point of view are tiresome and stressful.

President Ursula Von der Leyen, the Disney witch running the European Union, laid out the game plan last year during her speech in Copenhagen at the *snort* hilariously misnomered Democracy Summit.

So the question we all have to ask ourselves is: do we want a strong Europe that fights for our values and our democracy? Or, on the other hand, do we let our democracies be hijacked by the proxies and puppets of authoritarians? Do we let them erode and corrode everything we have built over more than 70 years?

Not bad, and here we go with ringing endorsements of ‘democracy’ and ‘freedom’ again…

The promise of freedom. The personal freedom to believe and think what you want. The freedom of speech to say what you want. Or the freedom to protest and demonstrate your views. These freedoms and the responsibilities that come with them are still some of the hallmarks of our modern democracies. 

…right up to where she strips it all away by introducing a mechanism to defend the EU’s definition of democracy with a ‘Democracy Shield.’ That’s not scary at all. 

We cannot tolerate this. And we have to put a stop to it. The good news is we have done a lot over the last years on defence of democracy. We have regulated the digital platforms. And we have taken big steps on disinformation, media freedom or the rules for political parties. The point is not that disinformation or malign interference is new. It is that the technology and the techniques used are currently moving faster than society can adapt and react to. So it is now time to take our action to the next level. We must be as ambitious as the threat is serious. And this is why – if I am re-elected as President, the Commission will put forward a European Democracy Shield as one of the key priorities of the next Commission. This should be an ambitious European project that focuses on the biggest threats from foreign interference and manipulation.

The EU also determines what forces are malign, not EU citizens. ‘Freedom’ and all that. 

We have already made progress with the DSA. So once we have detected malign information or propaganda, we need to ensure that it is swiftly removed and blocked. This is the role of online platforms who now have a set of responsibilities. We must be vigilant and uncompromising when it comes to ensuring that is properly enforced. It is not just a moral responsibility but it is EU law!

And the EU Brahmins need…nay. Fully intend to ‘innoculate’ the people against believing anything that isn’t approved by Brussels first. In the service of defending democracy, of course.

Finally, it takes resilience. As technology evolves, we need to build up societal immunity around information manipulation. Research has shown that pre-bunking is more successful than de-bunking. Pre-bunking is the opposite of de-bunking. In short, prevention is preferable to cure. Think of information manipulation as a virus. Instead of treating an infection once it has taken hold, that’s the de-bunking, it is better to vaccinate, so that our body is inoculated. Pre-bunking is the same approach. Because disinformation relies on people passing it on to others – it is essential that people know what malign information’s influence is and what the techniques looks like. As that knowledge goes up – our chances of being influenced goes down. And that builds up the societal resilience that we will need.

With this benignly named ‘Advice Compass,’ Germany can get way out front on the misinformation inoculation jabs now that those pesky populists are neutralized.

It’s no mistake a German is the EU head, is it?

They’re so good at this stuff, however many rivers of crocodile tears they shed pretending they’re not.