Please President Trump, Don’t Annex Canada!

Canada is a lovely country with many lovely people. And while its federal government is dysfunctional and occasionally tyrannical when it comes to defending civil rights, it has much to offer. It has a well-educated populace with remarkably good manners, some fine educational institutions, and a largely functioning economy. I suggest that we only take half the country and leave the rest to sink or swim on its own. 

On Twitter/X, I joked that now was the perfect time to take up the rallying cry “54-40 or Fight!” once again. With the government in disarray and widespread dissatisfaction with their Cubano former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, America could roll over the Canadian Mounties and military without suffering a casualty. 

Time to strike! 54 40 or Fight!

— David Strom (@DavidStrom) January 6, 2025

But then what? After all, this is a country that suffered under Justin Trudeau for nine years! Something must be wrong with it–at least with certain parts of Canada. 

Admittedly, British Columbia–the province that inspired the “54° 40″ or Fight” motto–is lovely, but Vancouver is the medical suicide capital of the world. Who wants that? Or, for that matter, do we want to inherit the mess of the Canadian healthcare system? No doubt there are many good doctors, but we have enough problems of our own in that realm, and inheriting a new set is unappealing. I don’t want to be offered suicide rather than treatment for my toe fungus. 

Quebec, I am told, is overrun with cheese-eating surrender monkeys, otherwise known as French speakers, and I can’t read French. 

I suggest an alternative plan: let’s take the Yukon, Northwest Territories, Alberta, Saskatchewan, and Manitoba. Perhaps we can negotiate for part of Ontario as well, but no way would I take Ottawa. No seat of government is worth the trouble. 

And as for that 51st state thing? No way. I suggest that we keep the provinces together as states. Chances are we would get a bunch of Republican Senators out of the deal instead of getting two more Democrat ones if we bring in the entire country as a single state. 

Granted, Canadian conservatives are not exactly Tea Partiers, but I bet that enough Canadians in the regions we annex would enjoy getting Second Amendment rights that we could keep them in the Republican coalition. And even if we don’t, they will be polite about it. 

Pierre Poilievre, even with his Frenchie name, is actually an Albertan and thus would become a natural-born citizen, I think, making him eligible to run for President of the United States. He might be a bit old for the job after the Trump, Vance, Vance, Don Jr., Don Jr., and the two Barron Trump administrations, but after those 28 years of Trump legacy, Poilievre would still only be 73, which is almost young by American political standards. And in the meantime he could be Senate Majority Leader, which would be a big step up from our current choices. 

He can actually speak articulately and is surely more conservative than our other choices. And with 10 new Senate Republicans coming from the Free States of Canada, he would be a shoo-in. 

I know that Trump doesn’t like half-measures, but he should consider this one seriously. Throw in Greenland and the newly American Panama Canal Zone, and he definitely has a win he can live with. He would probably be adding more land mass to the United States than Thomas Jefferson did, although I admittedly haven’t done the math, nor will I. 

In short, this would be Yoooge! And we wouldn’t have to learn French.