Republican Wants To Call Animal Control On Furries

Furry-free public education isn’t a human right. Not yet, at least.

Republican Rep. Stan Gerdes of Texas filed the Forbidding Unlawful Representation of Roleplaying in Education (FURRIES) Act.

“Furries” emerge from an internet subculture highly interested in anthropomorphic animals. They often adopt animal alter-egos, dressing in elaborate costumes for sexual gratification. (RELATED: Furry Hackers Steal City Government Data | The Daily Caller)

The FURRIES Act prohibits “any non-human behavior” by Texas schoolchildren. Included therein: using a litter box, wearing tails, leashes, collars, “barking, meowing, hissing,” and “licking oneself for the purpose of grooming & maintenance.” 

There’s teaching to the lowest common denominator and then there’s “not licking yourself through Algebra II.”

Republican Gov. Greg Abbott endorsed the FURRIES Act in a town hall, according to the Houston Chronicle. 

“If you have a child in a public school, you have one expectation: your child’s going to be learning the fundamentals of education — reading and writing and math and science,” Abbott reportedly said. “If they’re being distracted by furries, those parents have a right to move their child to a school of their choice.”(RELATED: School Choice Helps Close Performance Gap For Low-Income Students, Study Finds | The Daily Caller) 

Ghouls and ghosts need not worry — The bill exempts Halloween from costuming restrictions, along with up to five school dress-up days that are not “solely or primarily related to the history or celebration of a biological or artificial species other than homo sapiens.” 

Gerdes emphasized the intent of the bill in an X post: “No distractions. No theatrics. Just education.”

He clarified: “While school mascots, theater performances, and dress-up days remain part of school spirit, this bill ensures that students and teachers can focus on academics — not on bizarre and unhealthy disruptions.” school

But some will miss the bizarre and unhealthy distractions.

“This is absurd,” one parent reacted on X. “I’m just glad my offspring — who is a perfectly loveable furry — is grown and no longer lives in Texas.”

The FURRIES Act is not without precedent. State Republican Rep. Justin Humphrey proposed a 2024 bill requiring schoolchildren who “engage in anthropomorphic behavior commonly referred to as furries” be removed from premises by parents or animal control. 

Gerdes’ post was appended by a community note asserting “sensationalist claims about furries literally behaving as animals” have been “repeatedly debunked as hoaxes since at least 2021.” 

Yet students at Utah’s Mt Nebo Middle School staged an anti-furry protest just last year, alleging a furry faction within the student body. 

“We the people, not the animals,” cry the students in video captured at the event. 

“They are barking at kids and spraying us with Febreze in our eyes,” one student protestor tells the cameraman. 

When asked what the offending students are wearing, she elaborates: “Tails, ears, it’s very sexual and inappropriate. They’re wearing butt plug tails underneath skirts, they’re wearing dog collars to school with leashes hanging off.”

One hopes states country-wide will follow Texas in liberating children from the furry community’s anthropomorphic reign of terror.

Follow Natalie Sandoval on X: @NatalieIrene03