Teens Who Assaulted ‘Big Balls’ Avoid Punishment

Is violence against Republicans de facto legal in Blue cities?

All indications point to “yes.”

taps sign https://t.co/ffvvM7ZSbH pic.twitter.com/X9IYoIC1AU

— PoIiMath (@politicalmath) October 15, 2025

You may recall the case of Edward “Big Balls” Coristine, who was brutally assaulted by a crowd of teens in a Washington, D.C., parking garage. He bravely defended his female companion and was left brutalized and bleeding near Dupont Circle. 

BREAKING – DC Judge Kendra Briggs has allowed the two “teens” who jumped Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine to avoid jail and sentenced them to simple probation, stating her job is to “rehabilitate,” not punish. pic.twitter.com/7LRv7fVbQP

— Right Angle News Network (@Rightanglenews) October 15, 2025

After a remarkably swift prosecution–who knew that ANYBODY aside from Republicans faced any sort of justice in D.C. anymore?–they pled guilty to simple assault. 

Arresting criminals only matters if prosecutors work to keep them in jail, but in D.C., local officials are not interested in just punishments for violent criminals.

The local D.C. AG has even pledged never to prosecute minors as adults. pic.twitter.com/bFpENPadjR https://t.co/lMDsJh00JU

— Heritage Foundation (@Heritage) October 15, 2025

They were sentenced to…parole. 

Two teenagers who jumped former DOGE staffer Edward “Big Balls” Coristine have avoided jail after pleading guilty to simple assault at a Washington, DC, court.

The boy and girl, both 15, from Hyattsville, Maryland, were sentenced to probation at a DC court on Tuesday, just over two months after the pair were arrested for the savage Aug. 3 attack, WUSA9 reported.

The boy was handed a 12-month probation and allowed to return home under strict house arrest, while the girl was given a nine-month probation and remanded to a local youth shelter.

There were 10 people involved in the assault, and the light sentences were handed down despite the perpetrators who tried to carjack Coristine remaining unidentified. One would have expected that the judge would have required them to divulge the identities of the accomplices in order to get leniency, but…of course not. 

This travesty of justice follows closely upon the vast difference in sentencing between an attempted assassin of a Supreme Court Justice getting an unusually light sentence, while the arsonist who set fire to Governor Shapiro’s residence got the book thrown at him.

Cody Balmer, 38, pleaded guilty to attempted murder, terrorism, arson, and assaulting Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro after setting fire to the occupied governor’s mansion on April 13.

A self-identified Marxist with pro-Palestine views, his far-left, anti-establishment ideology… pic.twitter.com/LzaiaMd9iQ

— The Dibster (@TheDibsterX) October 14, 2025

A self-identified Marxist with pro-Palestine views, his far-left, anti-establishment ideology motivated the attack on Shapiro, a Jewish Democrat seen as supportive of Israel. 

He was sentenced to 25–50 years in prison.

Balmer, of course, deserved every bit of his sentence. I just wish that the courts were as interested in punishing people who attack Republicans as those who attack Democrats. 

I’ve never called for a judicial impeachment before. But it’s warranted in the case of the judge who sentenced Justice Kavanaugh’s would-be assassin. My latest in @CityJournal pic.twitter.com/q3iV1hX8aN

— Ilya Shapiro (@ishapiro) October 9, 2025

It’s not as if we live in Great Britain, where two-tier justice is now so deeply embedded in the system that we just assume that a Muslim can rape English girls with impunity, while an English citizen can be put in jail for objecting to them doing so. 

But then again, Blue America wants to make America Britain again, I suppose. 

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