You’re In Woke Hands With Allstate

Remember when insurance companies tried very, very hard to be boring? Recall the days when all we wanted to hear from insurers was, “Your claim will be paid right now?” 

Instead, these days insurance companies act more like comedy clubs than financial underwriters. We have Jake hanging out with star athletes and popping up in our homes, an Australian gecko offering witty observations on irrelevant topics, and Flo & The Gang doing … whatever the hell it is they do. And don’t even get me started on Doug and Limu’s bizarre psychotherapy sessions.

And yet, all of that still pales in comparison to the very weird decision by Allstate during yesterday’s Sugar Bowl. Fresh off two terror attacks, Allstate CEO and chair Tom Wilson chose to advertise their services by [checks notes] scolding Americans for being addicted to “divisiveness and negativity.” Find Wilson a cheerful lizard STAT:

Turned on the Notre Dame – Georgia game for it to start with this ridiculous propaganda from @Allstate on yesterday’s terrorist attack:

“We need to overcome an addiction to divisiveness and negativity… & accept people’s imperfections and differences”??!!!

You’re JOKING. pic.twitter.com/Xiwdek3BoP

— Isabel Brown (@theisabelb) January 2, 2025

Our prayers went to victims and their families. We also need to be stronger together by overcoming an addiction to divisiveness and negativity. Join Allstate working in local communities all across America to amplify the positive, increase trust and accept people’s imperfections and differences. Together we win.

Maybe just pay your claims on time, pal, and leave the rest to us. 

I’m not normally a shut up and sing guy, but there is something to be said for recognizing your lane at times and staying in it—and, for that matter, reading the room. The families of the dead haven’t even buried their loved ones yet; the FBI only just released Bourbon Steet from its crime-scene status. The city and the country are angry over the FBI’s attempts to gaslight Americans over the nature of this attack and we still don’t have answers as to why the city and the FBI weren’t better prepared for Jabbar specifically and a car attack in the French Quarter. 

Those are the issues at hand, along with combatting efforts by ISIS to radicalize the mentally unstable into lone-wolf terrorists. The issue at hand is not “divisiveness and negativity,” and the answer to the real issues isn’t to stop demanding answers and debating these and other issues. It sounded very much like Wilson blames every disagreement for creating terrorism,  which is a very strange message for a democratic republic. Wilson also chose this message at the worst possible moment, when the difference between “divisiveness” and actual terrorism could not have been clearer.

Allstate has already hit retreat on its new Be Quiet Peasants And Do What We Tell You advertising campaign:

“To be clear, Allstate CEO Tom Wilson unequivocally condemns this heinous act of terrorism and violence in all forms. We stand with the families of the victims, their loved ones and the community of New Orleans. The reference to overcoming divisiveness and negativity reflects a broader commitment to fostering trust and positivity in communities across the nation,” the statement read.

Really? Well, you’re doing a bang-up job of “fostering trust and positivity” in America already, Allstate! At least we can all agree that whoever came up with this idea should join Alissa Heinerscheid on the unemployment line, because that person may have finally outdone Bud Light in the Woke Scoldy Advertising Olympics.