Alright. I don’t know if you feel like I do about today, between Karmelo Anthony meeting karma in a Texas courtroom and the Nipple Nazi waiting to see how bigly his sadly demented, mostly ignorant Boomer and GenZ followers will launch him into the Senate race in Maine. Not to mention all the ugliness in between that’s sure to fire up over the absolutely correct verdict in Texas.
This is still a law enforcement story, but with a lighthearted ending. So much so, I couldn’t leave it for the headlines because a lot of you might have missed it.
This one also serves as a Public Safety Announcement for those inclined to the whackier kind of stunts some of…us…perhaps…were known for when we were younger.
Times have changed, and this sort of behavior is no longer encouraged.
As this is a blog where we try to set a better example – gently nudge our friends into being better people – I am here tonight to spin this Louisiana parable like I was Justin Wilson tellin’ one a’ his Cajun stories.
The Drunk What Got HIsself Chomped By a Alligator
Once ‘pon a time, there was a man named Victor.
(Okay. Actually, it was Sunday.)
Victor reportedly had had hisself one slurp of hootch too many and, as is often the case, he made a bad decision. Victor climbed into his Supra and started on down the I-10 interstate.
People noticed Victor was havin’ hisself trouble with da lines and all dat, an’ he scaring the beejebus outta folks, who called the state troopers in Metairie ta say, ‘Get dis heeyah madman offa our road!’
According to Louisiana State Police, on Sunday the driver of a Toyota Supra was driving recklessly on Interstate 10 near Bonnabel Boulevard in Metairie.
The driver is accused of striking a concrete barrier and blowing out the car tires.
The driver was later found by Troopers on Interstate 310 in St. Charles Parish.
Troopers conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, identified as Victor M. Rivas, 40, of Montz.
Loozeeana troopers get ahold a’ Victor, make him do the drunk tests, and they fixin’ to tell him he’s cross-eyed skunked.
Victor, well, he not da brightest bug bulb, and he start to running.
BOOGITY BOOGITY
And den Victor launch hisself offa da elevated part of the I-310 right inta the swamp water like he was Tarzan or sumpthin’.
Troopers, well, dey fixed to be tied, chere.
Then, old Victor haul hisself out da water. Don’t he show up strolling down the highway again like it was nothing?
COO-EE
Dat was too much for da troopers, an’ dey hot foot it over dere to snatch dat bad boy up, and don choo know?
Victor dives back inta da swamp. An he look like Michael Phelps takin’ off across the open water.
Shor ’nuff, he do.
Dat’s when it all goes wrong. Nudder bad decision and dat almost done Victor in.
Watch this heeyah video careful-like, an’ you see Victor splashin’.
Den, all of a sudden, a torpedo come FLYIN’ outta da right-hand side of the picture! WHOA DAWG!!
For those a’ you what don’t know, dat’s a hungry gator, an’ it got a bead on Victor.
Den it got Victor. Dee end.
Sometimes, it pays to be drunk when you’re making some of the worst decisions of your life.
In fact, Victor fought off the gator. He kept going through the swamp, all the time under drone surveillance, until Louisiana troopers were finally able to get their hands on him.
WE HAD TO WAIT FOR HIM TO POP OUT THE WOODLINE
Troopers took a much-worse-the-wear Victor Rivas to the hospital to be treated for the chomp marks on both of his arms, and he’s in a heap of trouble.
…Rivas was taken to an area hospital and later charged with DWI (second offense) and resisting an officer.
Additional warrants were obtained for hit-and-run and careless operation in connection with the earlier crash in Jefferson Parish.
It seems ‘bad decisions’ are Victor’s middle name.
The worst, for sure, was jumping into a southern swamp, especially when the wildlife is working against you.
…The sheriff’s office added, “The alligator was not injured and has since returned to its regular patrol of the swamp.”
They also posted images of Al E Gator getting awarded as deputy of the year.
There are lessons to be learned if someone like Victor didn’t already know.
‘Don’t Hide in Louisiana Swamps’
What they’re saying:
Following the incident, the St. Charles Parish Sheriff’s Office posted a warning on social media: “Reminder: Don’t drive impaired, don’t run from deputies, and definitely don’t hide in Louisiana swamps. Wildlife may just be cooperating with law enforcement.“
Seriously.
You can also learn from the locals, like this very wise woman who was willing to share her years of experience on Louisiana waters.
HOW TO TELL IF THERE’RE ALLIGATORS IN THE WATER
Louisiana troopers will also not go home. They’ll wait on you – or whatever’s left of you – to come out of the swamp.
Let me conclude this evening’s lecture with a musical interlude directly related to the subject material.
When Amos Moses was a baby, his daddy would use him for alligator bait.
I’ll bet Victor never heard this song. Might have saved him a couple of stitches.
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