COUCH POTATOES: Desperate late-night hosts bore viewers with Tim Walz, John Kerry

Johnny Carson made us howl by having the biggest stars on the galaxy grace his “Tonight Show” couch.

Sinatra. Reynolds. Rickles. Martin.

‘We need somebody, we need a feral, bloodthirsty, violent Democrat.’

Modern late-night shows settle for the likes of John Kerry and Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz. Both far-left Democrats appeared on late-night this week, eager to take the hosts’ softball queries and smack ‘em out of the park.

Walz’s chat on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” found him deflecting the massive fraud in his state to, you guessed it, President Donald Trump. Any tough questions about Cap’n Jazz Hands quitting his re-election campaign? Hardly.

At this point, one of those “Technical Difficulties: Please Stand By” signs would be better than these late-night hacks …

Mind freak

Psychic abilities are overrated, apparently.

Sunny Hostin, in a daily scrum to prove who the dumbest “View” host is, told the ABC show crowd this week about her unique skill set. No, it doesn’t involve twisting the truth into a Bavarian pretzel. She’s already proved that more than a few times.

This week, Hostin shared a deeply personal strength.

I believe I have psychic abilities. I recall when I was a child at about 5 years old. You know, I grew up very poor, and I dreamt a number. And my grandmother was like, ‘We are going to play that number.’ We used to call it playing the numbers, and my entire family won based on that number.

Did she foresee how “The View” would become the train wreck TV that it is today? If so, she may be the real deal …

‘Chainsaw’ chatter

Leatherface is ready for his close-up. Again.

A mad bidding war for the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” franchise is over, and newbie director Curry Barker (“Obsession”) will do the honors for A24 films.

But why?

The 1974 original is a classic for all the right reasons. It’s raw and shocking, and it reinvented horror in ways that are still reverberating today. It’s the original nightmare fuel, complete with an odd vocal cameo by John Larroquette. (And he was paid in pot. Literally.) Except we haven’t had many quality “Massacre” films since then.

Eight films. Only one could be considered a keeper, the unjustly attacked 2003 reboot starring Jessica Biel. The rest have modest reasons to recommend them, at best, but only for horror junkies.

Will the ninth film since the original hit the jackpot? Barker directed the no-budget horror film “Milk & Serial,” a creepy affair that became his calling card. “Obsession,” brimming with positive prerelease buzz, drops next month.

If not, well, the next reboot is only a few years away …

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Cho chooses violence

Projection is a terrible drug.

The left routinely tells us who they are by projecting their darkest impulses on their ideological foes. And Margaret Cho is example A, B, and C.

Maybe D.

The far-left comic raged against all things Trump in a new interview. She didn’t stop there.

I am a Democrat, but I also feel like there’s this weird attachment to decorum and taking the high road, and none of that is gonna work. We need somebody, we need a feral, bloodthirsty, violent Democrat. We just need somebody who is willing to put them all in prison — do the right thing and put them all in prison.

Taking the high road? Apparently, Cho was struck in the head around 2017 and just woke up from a nearly decade-long coma. We wish her well in her recovery …

Rock ‘n’ roll swindle

The Boss missed out on that hometown discount.

Bruce Springsteen’s anti-Trump tour is getting all sorts of fawning press for all the obvious reasons. It could be partly why a 76-year-old rocker embraces his far-left shtick in the first place. He knew the legacy media would have his back.

Either way, a new review of his recent New Jersey concert hit the brakes on the media love fest.

Hard.

NJ.com’s review blasted Springsteen for a show “poisoned by hypocrisy.”

The blue-collar troubadour now charges exorbitant amounts for his tickets — up to $2,900 retail for the best seats in Newark Monday; prices he agreed to despite fan backlash. He’s selling No Kings-branded flags for $90 in the arena concourse.

The site leans to the left, but the Boss is so blatantly two-faced even his fellow liberals couldn’t ignore it: His glory days are far behind him.