SPIDEY SENSELESS: Andrew Garfield still wants gay Spider-Man

Andrew Garfield is really committed to the bit.

The versatile star played Spider-Man in two feature films, but back in 2013 he shared a curious wish for the web-slinger.

‘I would like to avoid being in a tampon commercial 20 years after I’m dead.’

Why couldn’t he be gay?

The comments caught fire at the time, and more than a decade later, he hasn’t budged on the issue.

“I like the idea of a place where everyone is being honored and everyone is being included, and it was just a kind of act of saying, ‘Well, why not?’ And you’ll be telling on yourself if you have a strong opinion either way.”

“Spider-Man: Brand New Day,” the fourth solo adventure in the Tom Holland-led series, shattered records mere weeks ago and is now in the top five grossing films of all time.

If it ain’t broke, why in the world would Hollywood want to fix it? Or is the MCU “telling” on itself for wanting the good box office times to keep rolling?

Goodbye, Dolly

We just can’t quit Dolly Parton.

The country music superstar passed last month at the age of 80, but interest in all things Dolly is just warming up. Parton’s songs zoomed up the iTunes music charts in the days after her death. Her estate announced that she previously recorded a special new song, “My Place in History,” to be released on her 100th birthday in 2046.

This week, an ABC broadcast of her beloved 1980 film “9 to 5” scored the network its biggest ratings for a film in over three years.

Meanwhile, country superstar Jelly Roll is still juggling the fallout from his disastrous week guest-hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” …

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Down with ‘Uprising’?

“First reaction” stories should be relegated to fifth-rate movie blogs and Bluesky. These stories capture early film reviews from influencers who like almost everything.

If you need a reference point, the recent “Supergirl” earned solid “first reactions.” Raves even. So there’s that.

Which makes the terrible “first reactions” to “The Uprising” genuinely newsworthy. Our friend Andrew Garfield anchors the film, based on actual events of a peasant uprising against King Richard II.

Director Paul Greengrass has made some great films, including “United 93” and “Captain Phillips.”

So what went wrong? The pacing, the dialogue, and the execution, apparently …

Clooney … for her

George Clooney has seen the future, and he’s a mite worried about it.

You can’t blame him. He’s a big Hollywood star, and the rise of AI will dramatically impact his industry. Jobs will be lost. Old stars will be reborn (just ask the Val Kilmer estate that OK’d a digital Kilmer “comeback” for an upcoming film).

Clooney is keeping his sense of humor about the future and his own possible “comeback.”

“I would like to avoid being in a tampon commercial 20 years after I’m dead. I would like that. I would like to avoid that.”

We feel his pain. But if AI can fix old “Facts of Life” episodes and digitally remove Clooney’s mullet, it won’t be all bad …

Marvel make-’em-ups

When you think improv, names like Larry David, Robin Williams, and Colin Mochrie come to mind.

What about Thor, Captain America, and Ant-Man?

The upcoming “Avengers: Doomsday” began production without a finished script. Seems problematic for a movie with a budget north of $400 million, no? Not according to directors Anthony and Joe Russo.

The duo, who previously gave us “Infinity War” and “Endgame,” explained away the lack of a finished script.

We’re improvisation-based, rehearsal-based directors. We like to see what the actors bring to the characters, and sometimes you don’t get the actors until a few days or a few weeks before you shoot them. And a lot of the time, that’s when the magic happens.

“Doomsday” isn’t a comedy, but that defense is hysterical …

Blind casting

Wait … was “Saturday Night Live’s” Pat not available?

Actress Sandra Hüller of “Project Hail Mary” fame is set to star in the upcoming “Arbeit und Struktur” (“Work and Structure”), a biopic of the late German writer and artist Wolfgang Herrndorf.

Yes, Hüller is female and Herrndorf, best known for his 2010 coming-of-age best-seller “Tschick,” was a man.

The actress called the role a “profound challenge.” Hard to argue with that.