Today’s Mystery: What Did the FBI Say to Cornyn About Texas Fleebaggers?

Will they or won’t they? 

The Texas legislature has civil warrants out for the arrest and return of its absconding Democrat members who refuse to attend a special session over a redistricting fight. These fleebaggers hilariously escaped Texas on a private jet and are ensconced in one of the most gerrymandered states (Illinois) and under the protection of the kind of oligarch (J.B. Pritzker) that they profess to detest. Governor BigBucks refuses to extradite the absconders, even with a valid warrant.

Pritzker has no authority over federal law enforcement, however, so Senator John Cornyn called on the FBI to find and arrest the fleebaggers. Cornyn got an answer yesterday — he says:

🚨@FBIDirectorKash has responded to my request to assist state & local law enforcement locate the runaway Texas House Democrats and investigate potential offenses.

Thank you Director Patel for your swift response & action!

— Senator John Cornyn (@JohnCornyn) August 6, 2025

Great! Patel has answered your request! And the answer was … er … ahem … [taps mic] Is this thing on? 

The Dallas Morning News found this curious as well, and tried to find the answer to the Extradition Request That Didn’t Bark:

Cornyn did not reveal the specifics of the agency’s response.

It’s unclear whether the FBI would actually arrest Democrats, who have been near Chicago, in Massachusetts and New York this week, so they can delay the Legislature’s ability to pass a congressional redistricting map that would shift five districts to the GOP’s favor.

The FBI declined comment Wednesday when asked about Cornyn’s post and whether the agency can arrest the lawmakers.

Cornyn’s office did not respond to an email asking if the FBI said it would arrest Democratic lawmakers.

Abbott suggested yesterday that the FBI would assist — in the “search”:

Abbott told a conservative podcast, “It’s my understanding that the FBI is going to search for these derelict Texas House members in whatever state they may be in” and help identify them.

“Search?” Riiiight. They aren’t lost; no one’s putting their faces on milk cartons, although that would be hilarious. Any “search” would be over after five minutes on YouTube. The fleebaggers are holding press conferences and trying to get everyone to pay attention to them, because this is just a big PR stunt. Or at least it will be nothing more than a fundraising goof until the first time a court vacates their seat and strips one of them of their office, at which time the private jets will streak back to Austin toute suite.

Perhaps Patel is reviewing the request, but I suspect he “responded” by telling Cornyn that there is no federal law being broken and that the FBI isn’t going to get involved. Needless to say, the FBI has more pressing issues involving violations of federal laws to keep them busy enough. The US Marshals Service would arguably be a more appropriate agency anyway; the FBI doesn’t usually deal with fugitive absconders. Perhaps Patel referred the matter to them, but it’s not clear why Cornyn and Abbott didn’t start there. (Worth noting: the USMS has a pretty heavy workload, too, although the fleebaggers’ public antics would make this a pretty quick operation.)

The idea of using the USMS to track down these fleebaggers is rather amusing, of course. It’s fun to imagine a marshal cornering Gene Wu in a dam vent while the Democrat caucus chair pleads, “The redistricting plan is raaaaacist!” We all know what the marshal would say, right?

Anyway. If the FBI agreed to haul these members back to Texas, I’d be surprised, as Patel has enough problems without inserting the FBI into a partisan fight in a state legislature. And if Patel did agree to that, I somehow doubt that Cornyn would have tweeted the message above while leaving out that the G-men were coming for the fleebaggers. That would be a huge coup for him in his primary fight with Attorney General Ken Paxton, and Cornyn likes publicity as much as most politicians. 

The only mechanism that will bring these fleebaggers back is their instinct for self-preservation. Courts may be loath to take up this fight in the short run, but if Abbott has to call a second special session and they still refuse to attend, then some courts here will have no choice but to rule that they have abandoned their offices under Texas law. That’s where this is heading, and it may take a few removals before they finally discover a desire to protect their phoney-baloney jobs. But that’s a film clip for another day ….

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