Can’t sleep, Japanese bear-fighting robo-wolves will eat me and a gorilla trade captivates the nation

It’s Saturday, which means it’s time to procrastinate on that weekend to-do list a little bit longer and catch up on the news you may have missed from this week with a little help from The Punch-Up!

And what a week it was…

Japan unleashed the awesome fury of robotic wolves on some killer bears, Magic Johnson made an awful political endorsement, and a gorilla trade between two zoos captivated the nation.

There’s plenty more where that came from, so let’s dig right on in!

JAPANESE BEAR-FIGHTIN’ ROBO-WOLVES ARE PURE UNLEADED NIGHTMARE FUEL BUT THEY’RE WORKING

Whoopi Goldberg says that the US is “de-balled” and unserious under President Trump. And if there’s anyone who knows anything about “de-balling” things, it’s a co-host of The View.

Christopher Nolan confirmed that he has cast Travis Scott in his upcoming adaptation of “The Odyssey.” Nolan said he did this because, like Scott, Homer spit mad bars, yo.

Toronto is handing out special condoms for the 2026 FIFA World Cup. It’s wild: who knew that soccer fans are getting laid?!

Magic Johnson announced that he is endorsing incumbent Karen Bass in this year’s Los Angeles mayoral race. Johnson said that he made the endorsement because he wants what he thinks is best for the city, and so that no one takes any of his political endorsements seriously ever again.

Racecar driver Katherine Legge has announced that she will attempt to become the first woman and first non-American to pull double duty and complete the Indianapolis 500 and the Coca-Cola 600 on the same day. She’ll drive 1,100 miles at speeds approaching those of Georgia Bulldogs players during the offseason.

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A Joe Rogan interview with Mel Gibson has led to an uptick in prescriptions for an antiparasitic medication that some believe could be used to treat cancer. The podcast also led to an uptick in people who kind of want to take mushrooms for a spin to see what all the talk is about.

Got all of that?

Good. See you back here next week!

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