JEDI NUT: Mark Hamill posts sick ‘if only’ pic of dead Trump

Lights! Camera! OnlyFans!

“My Name Is Earl” alum Jaime Pressly is the latest starlet to embrace the provocative web portal. The 48-year-old star follows in the footsteps of Shannon Elizabeth and Drea de Matteo, who also found a home on a site known for very adult material.

We don’t need Columbo to figure out who killed late-night TV. It was a homicide committed in plain sight.

“I’ve always believed in evolving with the times. … This is another way for me to connect directly with my audience, on my own terms, with creativity and intention. I’ve loved meeting fans at various Comic Cons, and the excitement of having those real face-to-face moments made me want to seek options like OnlyFans.”

Not sure it’s your face they’ll be coming to see, Jaime.

To be fair, not all OnlyFans content is adult in nature, but aligning yourself with the porn-centric platform does generate certain expectations — and a lot of buzz.

And sometimes the buzz is enough. Elizabeth reportedly made $1 million in her first week — and if disgruntled Reddit users are to be believed, she did it without posting anything racier than bikini pics.

The bigger picture? Starlets often struggle in youth-obsessed Hollywood to find steady work, forcing more … creative options after the age of 40.

For de Matteo, her unwillingness to follow draconian pandemic protocols helped push her out of Hollywood Inc. Progressive Hollywood, with all its MeToo starlets, didn’t have her back.

Hamill’s dark side

The force is wrong with this one.

Actor Mark “Luke Skywalker” Hamill shared an image of a dead President Trump on, where else, Bluesky, with the phrase “If Only” attached. The “Star Wars” icon loathes the president, but this seemed an escalation that most — but not all — celebrities wouldn’t go near.

The post got plenty of attention, including some from major entertainment news sites. They usually hide stories that paint liberal stars in a bad light, but this was too ugly to ignore.

That spurred Hamill to backtrack, somewhat, but show little actual remorse.

“Accurate Edit for Clarity: ‘He should live long enough to… be held accountable for his… crimes.’ Actually, I was wishing him the opposite of dead, but apologize if you found the image inappropriate. 💙-mh”

Some “apologize” (sic). And sick …

No-kill Bill

Here’s betting Bill Maher isn’t eager to chat up Hamill.

The “Club Random” podcaster is liberal, like the erstwhile Skywalker, but he draws the line at wishing his political opponents dead.

He’s old-school like that.

In fact, Maher admonished some of his fellow Democrats for joining Team Hamill.

“If you’re one of these people — and there’s many in this country — who watched that and was disappointed the president wasn’t killed … you’re not a good person. Or a smart person.”

But, chances are, the ones who felt that way were watching Jimmy Kimmel that night …

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Paramount Pictures

Kombat pay

“Mortal Kombat II” is barely a movie. The sequel to the 2021 reboot hits theaters May 8, and it’s earning begrudgingly positive reviews — currently at about 69 percent “fresh” at Rotten Tomatoes.

That’s not shabby for a film with all the depth of a late spring puddle. Call it Extreme Guilty Pleasure Cinema.

Producer Todd Garner wasn’t satisfied, apparently, with that reasonably positive rating.

“Some of these reviews are cracking me up. It’s clear they have never played the game and have no idea what the fans want or ANY of the rules/canon of Mortal Kombat.”

He may be partially right. It is a film meant for gamers, first and foremost. And it’s still a movie-movie, and many producers would be tickled to get reviews above the 60% mark.

At least Garner didn’t single out a particular critic and cry, “Finish him!”

Murder, they wrote

Remember how Lieutenant Columbo would sniff out the killer, often by attempting to leave the room before returning with a final question?

“Just one more thing,” he’d croak, and the villain would get very nervous. Viewers knew the gooses were about to get cooked.

We don’t need Columbo to figure out who killed late-night TV. Endless one-note monologues and ostracizing half of the country proved the weapons of choice. It was a homicide committed in plain sight.

Even David Letterman, the old guard who put the funny first, thinks the format may go the way of the 8-track tape in a year.

The murder suspects are planning to gather later this month to honor the host set to depart first.

Stephen Colbert’s farewell tour as “The Late Show” host will bring Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, and John Oliver on for one the CBS show’s final episodes. The quintet, comically dubbed the Strike Force Five for their brief pandemic podcast, will help wish Colbert a fond farewell.

And perhaps they’ll take turns telling Trump jokes for old times’ sake. Chances are, this will be a recurring featuring until it’s finally “and then there were none” time.