Jewel opens up about homelessness, panic attacks before finding fame

Jewel was once homeless and suffering from debilitating mental health issues before transforming her life and becoming a successful singer and songwriter.

The “Foolish Games” singer shared some of the traumas from her upbringing, including when her mother left their family when she was 8 years old, while chatting on the “No Magic Pill” podcast.

Her father became “physically abusive” once they moved back to his hometown, which is where Jewel’s “whole world really turned upside down.”

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“I made a promise really young not to do drugs or drink,” she said. “Again, I think just cuz I had such an extreme front row seat to seeing what it did. It didn’t look glamorous, you know, it didn’t look sexy.

“And some deep, deep part of me knew to be deadly terrified of it.”

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By 15, Jewel was living on her own, and a few years later moved to San Diego to take care of her ailing mother. Paychecks fell through and bills mounted by the time she decided to live in her car while her mom went back to Alaska.

At first, Jewel tried to be optimistic about the situation, but her mental health began to suffer.

“My panic attacks were getting worse. My agoraphobia was getting worse,” she said. “I didn’t have food. I didn’t have water. I didn’t have … anything. I didn’t have gas for the car.”

Jewel recalled her lowest point when she began shoplifting.

“I started stealing food and stealing, like, herbs and things like that to try and … I had bad kidneys,” she said. “And then, it just kind of evolved into stealing things that weren’t food and things that I didn’t need.”

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Host Blake Mycoskie noted a point in the singer’s memoir, “Never Broken: Songs Are Only Half the Story,” where she described looking in the mirror at a dressed-down version of herself and realizing that stealing was about the fear that she would never be enough.

“I think, you know, stealing for me really became a real addiction,” she said. “It was compulsive. I couldn’t control it.”

While standing in a changing room and attempting to tuck a stolen dress into her pants, Jewel was hit with a difficult epiphany.

“I saw my reflection in the mirror and … I was a statistic,” she said. “I’m a homeless kid shoplifting, and I’m going to end up in jail or dead if this keeps going.”

The musician leaned on a quote she remembered: “Happiness doesn’t depend on who you are or what you have. It depends on what you think.”

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From there, Jewel sa felt empowered to change her mind and change her ways to fully heal from her past. One unconventional step she took: writing everything down that she did with her hands over a two-week period.

“I haven’t had a panic attack in two weeks,” she realized. “What I stumbled on was being radically present. Journaling about my hands all day … I literally would watch my hands open a door. I’d watch my hands not shake a hand, or whatever it was.

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“I’d watch my hand steal. I was so radically present that … I forgot to worry about a future that hadn’t happened yet. It was so liberating.”

She added, “I realized that fear is a thief, and it robs you of the only opportunity you have to change your life.”